Your Manners are Showing!

This video is a funny little time capsule from 1953, but just imagine if everyone in your family behaved as is recommended here, at least most of the time. 

Go to 9:35 to hear Mom's secret thoughts about her pleasant, well-mannered teenager:

Jack is so kind and thoughtful.

It's nice to have him come to breakfast, dressed and cheerful.

Ahhh...

What do you think? Are good manners as outdated as, say, Coronet Films or sitting with your friends at the drugstore drinking malteds?

from "How to Behave and Why"

"No matter where you are or who

you are, there are four

main things that you have to do if

you want to make good

friends and keep them.

You have to be HONEST

You have to be FAIR

You have to be STRONG

and

You have to be WISE."

from How to Behave and Why by Munro Leaf

The Good Turn Habit

Yesterday the son of some friends of mine was made "Eagle Scout," the highest rank a person can attain in the Boy Scouts.  Famous Eagle Scouts include Michael Bloomberg, Steven Spielburg, Dirty Jobs' Mike Rowe, and Donald Rumsfield.  (Who knew?)

My family and I went to the ceremony, pleased to show up and see him (and his family) honored.  I've always liked this boy.  I like how, when the other kids often grab pizza, scatter and disappear for the night when our families get together, he's gamely dug into take-out Indian or Vietnamese food, sat with the adults, and made conversation with us.

Little did I know (until yesterday's ceremony) that in the large gaps between family or neighborhood get-togethers, this boy has been learning the skills of a chef, EMT, and communications specialist -- to name only a few of the tasks he's mastered. (And he has the patches and badges and pins to prove it.)

Last night, over Shirley Temples (as is our tradition during family meetings), my husband and I debriefed about the Eagle Scout ceremony with our kids.  Were there things Alex learned to do as a Boy Scout that any of the kids would like to try?  (Fly fishing?  Tracking?  Knot-tying?  Wilderness survival?)

I had, of course, an ulterior motive for starting a conversation about the ceremony -- and it had to do with courtesy.

It was not the fact that the grown men (yes, wearing that beige uniform decorated with kerchiefs around their necks and a multitude of patches and pins) and the boys at the ceremony were courteous, although they were indeed beautifully well-mannered.

It was something an older Eagle Scout said in a speech about what it means to be an Eagle: he said "doing a good turn daily" was a key discipline.

"What did he mean, doing a good turn?" I asked the kids last night.

I'm glad I asked.  None of them, from the third grader to the freshman in high school, could define it properly.  They offered answers such as "returning a favor," "taking your turn," and "being coordinated."  Mia, age eight, came closest when she said, "Doing something nice for someone else so that they will do something nice for you."

Half right, I explained.  Doing a good turn is about serving others without the expectation that the favor will be returned.  

Here's how the Boy Scouts define doing a good turn:

A Good Turn is a volunteered kind act of good deed.  Boys must be encouraged to watch for things that need to be done, and then do them without being asked.  More, boys must be trained and educated into the Good Turn Habit.  They must be helped to see that doing a job which they are already supposed to do, even cheerfully, ought not be classed as doing a Good Turn. ...the Good Turn is really a philosophy of living, of which Service to others becomes the key.  A Good Turn is a volunteered kind act or deed.  

And, although no one in my family will ever be a Boy Scout, this week we all committed to performing acts of kindness for each other.

(Maybe at next week's family meeting, I'll have the job of distributing a merit patch or two.)

Why I'm Glad Munro Leaf Was Here

Munro Leaf explains, right from the start, that How to Behave and Why is "about how to have the most fun in living."

"...it doesn't matter whether you are a boy or a girl, a man or a woman -- the rules are all the same. How old we are isn't what counts.  The two biggest questions to ask ourselves in life, at any age, are:

Are most of the people I know glad that I am here?

Am I glad that I am here, myself?

Anyone who can honestly answer 'YES' to those two questions most of the time has learned to BEHAVE in this world and to live a happy life."

I'm glad Munro Leaf was here.

And I'm glad I'm here, the vast majority of the time.

In this space, I hope to accomplish a few things:

• I want to sing the praises of author Munro Leaf and chat about his books.  I feel qualified to do so as I've been reading him longer than any other author, as far as I can tell. (And I have my Master's degree in English, so I've had some training in talking about books.)  My copy of Ferdinand, according to the inscription inside its cover, was given to me when I was four years old. 

                    "To Jenni. Christmas 1971. Love Mother and Daddy."  

• In the spirit of Ruth Reichl's wonderful book Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise, I want to write about what I've learned as a (very, very small time) food reporter and restaurant profiler (and frequent restaurant patron) for a newspaper. (Hint: Unlike Reichl, I did not work for the New York Times.) Although I no longer am paid to visit restaurants or interview their chefs and managers for the newspaper, I still am a critic in disguise.  My disguise, unlike those Ms. Reichl had to employ, is, quite simply, my anonymity. I might have to join forces with my favorite sidekick, daughter Isabel and her wonderful blog Confessions of Fifth Grade Foodie (née: "Fourth Grade Foodie") in this work as well.

So what do foodies, restaurant reviews, and the author of Ferdinand have in common?  Courtesy.  

• That is the other theme of this blog:  courtesy.  

Sometimes I see people behave in surprising ways.  I was surprised a few days ago, for instance, when I saw a boy on my son's soccer team stop, return to the player on the opposing team whom he'd accidentally knocked over, and offer a hand to help him stand up. 

"I"m sorry, man," this 14 year-old boy said, choosing to focus on the person he'd flattened and not at the ball which was progressing down the field toward the other team's goal. 

"'S'okay," the other boy said. 

Here were these two soccer players whose teenaged bodies were coursing with adrenalin and who, only a few moments before, were fiercely battling over possession of the ball locked in a perfectly courteous moment. 

I felt like the balance in the universe shifted, just then.

I imagine that somewhere right before that exchange, an embittered adult was just about to make a disparaging comment about teenagers and stopped. A blanket of peace sort of fell over her shoulders and she forgot what she was going to say.

And we were all the better for it.